It is all about living free, at peace, carefree

 

It is all about living free, at peace, carefree

 

I had been wanting to cry for days! 

 

I couldn't muster the tears, mostly because I was unsure about what I was crying about.... I know my mission is to encourage those ready to say bye to pain and add joy to their life, be independent, develop intimacy with self and engender self love, find what they desire inside and not look outside for love acceptance, validation, belonging. My mission is also to help people become financially independent so they have CHOCIES!  I love my house, a bit of work I want to do but it is my home, I am so grateful for my  amazing daughter, parenting is no joke and not for the faint of heart. I know the qualities I want in the love of my life and won't settle for less. I have been fighting some demons and winning.  

 

I was crying because I wanted to go home. Home was my great grandparents’ house, specifically my Papa's lap, in that brown (or black) recliner, he had 2, one in each color. I wanted to crawl into his lap and find solace and peace, safety. I could also find that in my father's arms, and on my grandmother and Moms shoulder respectfully. 

 

Home feels safe, perfect temperature, the smell of  good food and coffee, any time during winter and fall.  It is also Mother's day, when my Papa's Rose Bush would bloom and petals would fall and grace, saturate, adorn the pathway up to the steps into his and my great-grandma's home..... I felt safe there, at their home. It was warm and for me it was full of unconditional love.  My grandma's home was predictable, I knew -unless we had a visitor from one of the rage monsters in our lives- It was quiet, and I knew exactly what to expect, it was stable. Mother gave me stability. 

 

I think I will sleep well tonight for reason that, I  think like the freshness after a storm, this cry shifted something, made room, gave breath, to what I wanted, was looking for... my peace, my stability, my forever, my freedom. 

 

What do you feel like after a good cathartic cry?